


Loss

by teej_318



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Comfort, Fluff, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Reddie, Reunion, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, loss of parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teej_318/pseuds/teej_318
Summary: Eddie and Richie are reunited after two years apart. They rekindle their relationship and make plans for Eddie to move on from Derry and his mother, but tragedy strikes before their plans come to fruition.





	1. Reunion

Eddie thanked the man working behind the counter at the pharmacy. He picked up his mother's prescription and turned away, fulling intending to leave the store and head back home. But, when he saw that bespectacled young man standing nearby looking at something on a shelf, all thought of leaving vanished. He walked over to the man, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Richie!" Eddie called as he got closer. Richie looked up and saw Eddie. He beamed.

"Eds!" Richie shouted, throwing down whatever he had been looking at and rushing to Eddie. The two hugged each other tightly. "How are you, Eddie Spaghetti?"

"I can't believe you're here!" Eddie replied as the two broke apart. "When did you get back into town?"

"Late last night. I had some extra miles to burn up, so I thought I'd come home for Christmas Break. It's so good to see you!"

"Yeah, you too! It's weird being the only one of the Losers who's still here in Derry."

"And how's my love Sonia?" Richie asked with a mischievous grin on his face. Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Same as she ever was," said Eddie, sounding annoyed. "As neurotic as ever and afraid of anything that isn't her. Honestly, if I wasn't her offspring, I'm sure she'd leave me alone."

"You OK, Eds?" Richie sounded concerned now.

"Don't call me that," Eddie replied in a joking tone. "But yeah, I'm all right. Just don't want to talk about it here. I'd rather talk when we can really talk."

"You want to have dinner? I'm here for a full two weeks. We can catch up properly over some good food."

"Yeah, I'd love that. Can you meet tonight?"

"Course, Eddie. Pick you up at 7? Dinner at the diner like we used to all the time in high school?"

"It's a date," Eddie replied happily. He pulled Richie into another hug. "You have no idea how much I needed to see you right now, Rich. I'm so glad you're in town."

"I'm glad I ran into you, Eds. Listen, I gotta run. But I'll see you tonight, all right?"

* * *

At five to 7, Eddie finally came out of his room and walked downstairs. He had showered and thrown on a nice shirt, but he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like he needed to impress Richie or anything. But, since he never got to see Richie anymore, he wanted the night to be special.

As soon as he reached the living room, there was a knock at the door. Eddie hurried to it, but stopped when he heard his mother's voice calling from her recliner.

"Where are you going, Eddie?" she demanded in her nasally voice.

"I'm going out, Mother," Eddie snapped in reply. Already, she was annoying him and she had only asked the one question. He took a couple of breaths to calm himself down.

"With whom?"

"Does it matter? You'll still try to keep me from leaving, even if I was leaving here with God himself."

"Why are you being rude, Eddie?" Sonia asked, her tone remaining as flat as ever.

"Because I'm an adult and it's high time you learned that, Mother. I can take care of myself and I don't need to check in with you all of the time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

Eddie grabbed his jacket and made for the door.

"Look, I'm sorry, Mother, but you do have to admit you can let me go out on my own," he said in a softer tone.

"That doesn't mean you need to get angry with me, Eddie."

"True, but you don't have to be up all my ass all the time," Eddie retorted. "I gotta go."

Eddie quickly opened the front door and bolted outside, where Richie was waiting, smiling at him. He shut the door behind him as he turned to face Richie. Eddie was happy to see he wasn't the only one who wanted to look good.

"Hi," Eddie said, stepping forward and giving Richie a kiss on the cheek. "Wow, it feels good to do that again," he added with a grin.

"I've missed it, too," Richie replied as he kissed Eddie on the forehead. "You're looking mighty fine tonight, Eds."

"Ain't so bad yourself," said Eddie, causing Richie to giggle. "Oh I've missed that laugh."

"Well, shall we, Eddie, my sweet?" Richie held out his arm. "Or should I go in and say hello to Sonia?"

"Only if you want to delay our date by about six years."

Richie laughed again. "Well then let's get to it!"

* * *

Once their food was ordered, Richie and Eddie turned to face one another. Their table was far enough away from all of the other patrons in the diner that they were able to hide their hand holding. They had also locked their legs under the table, an old habit.

"So, how's New York?" asked Eddie, looking at Richie hard.

"I love it, but I hate it."

"How the hell can you hate it, Rich?"

"Well, I love college, and getting to see Bill, Stan and Bev all the time, and I enjoy my job at the bookstore. All of that is great, but I hate that you're not there, Eds."

Eddie blushed as he gave Richie's hand a squeeze.

"I wish I could be there," he replied in a small voice. "But you know how my dear Mother is. She'll barely let me out of her sight and I'm an adult."

"Are you happy, though, Eddie?" Richie asked. "I mean, can you truly say you're happy?"

Eddie stared back into Richie's eyes. He knew that he couldn't lie to Richie, no matter how much easier it was to pretend everything was all right. Slowly, Eddie shook his head.

"No," he said. "My life is a mess. I let her control me and I can feel myself suffocating. I get angry at her all of the time. I know she can't help it, but I can't help but get angry with her when she butts in on every little thing that I do. I swear to god she's going to drive me to an early grave, Rich."

"Now, Eddie Spaghetti, don't you go saying things like that," Richie chastised. "You'll make old Richie's heart break.

Eddie rolled his eyes again and lightly slapped Richie's hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the waiter returning, and the two quickly stopped holding hands and waited for their food to be set in front of them. Eddie had ordered a simple cesar salad, while Richie went all out with a chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans and two large rolls. Once the waiter had set everything down and walked away, Eddie glanced at Richie's plate.

"Hungry, are you?" Eddie asked with a smirk.

Richie shrugged. "Can't help it," he said, picking up his fork and knife and starting to cut up the meat. "College food fucking sucks, Eddie, so I gotta treat myself when I'm away from all that shit."

* * *

Richie parked his dad's borrowed truck outside Eddie's house. He was excited that Eddie had not let go of his hand yet, but had taken his seat belt off.

"Thanks for a great date," Eddie said happily. "We'll have to go on a few more before you go back to college."

"Hey, listen, Eds," said Richie. "Are you sure you want to stay here with your Mom? I mean, from what you said in the diner, it sounds like you two could really use a break from each other? And isn't it time you moved out and went on your own way?"

Eddie sighed.

"Yeah, I hear you, Rich. But where would I go?"

"How about New York?"

Eddie glanced up at Richie, who had a hopeful expression on his face.

"That's a little insane, Richie," Eddie said.

Richie nodded. "Yeah, I know, but think about it: we'd be together all the time again. Bill, Bev and Stan will be around, and we can make it just like old times. You can get a degree and get started on a career of your choosing."

"What if Mom doesn't want me to go?"

"Edward Kaspbrak," Richie said in a more serious tone that almost made Eddie laugh. "You don't need to worry about what she wants. You need to think about what you want, Eds. You have to do what's right for you, not her."

Eddie paused for a moment, thinking heavily about what to do. Yes, the idea sounded crazy to him, but the prospect of being around the great love of his life all of the time was difficult to resist. As if reading his mind, Richie spoke.

"And we can live together, Eds. We won't ever have to be apart."

Eddie didn't respond, but kept thinking for a few moments. Finally, he looked at Richie and nodded. Richie's face lit up.

"Really? You'll go?"

"I must be insane, but I'll do it. I can't stand not being with you, Richie. I need to be with you. I love you, Richie!" Eddie exclaimed, leaning forward and taking Richie's head gently and pressing his lips to Richie's. The two kissed passionately for several seconds, the first time in the two years since Richie had left for college they had been able to express their love for one another.

"I love you, too, Eddie," Richie replied when they finally broke apart. "You've made me the happiest man on the planet!"

"Oh, no, I think that's me," said Eddie. "You helped show me how much I need this, Richie. My life is about to get a whole lot better."

"Hell yeah it is."

Eddie giggled. "I should probably get inside," he said. "Break the news to Mother. She'll probably flip when I tell her I'm moving to New York, but it's what I need."

"It's what you deserve," Richie corrected. "You deserve to be happy."

"I will be," Eddie said, opening the door as Richie did the same and walked around the front of the truck.

The two young men grabbed hands as they walked toward Eddie's house. It was a foggy night with a little breeze in the air. The temperature was bearable for late December; they were lucky there was no precipitation, which would have made their walk miserable. They walked up the stairs before turning to one another outside the front door and held each other close.

"So I guess I'm really doing this, moving to New York," Eddie said.

"Yeah," Richie replied. It was all he could muster to say; his excitement and jubilation were too high for much of anything else. "Is it the craziest thing you've ever done?" he managed to ask.

"Oh, no question, it's insane. But it's what I want and it's what I need." At that Eddie pulled Richie close and the two kissed again as they held onto each other. After several seconds they broke apart and Eddie stuck his key in the lock.

"Let me know what she says," Richie said, grinning as he started to walk back down the stairs and toward the truck.

"Oh, I will. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Love you, Eddie Spaghetti."

"Love you, too, Rich."

With that, Eddie opened the door and stepped inside as Richie turned and walked toward the truck. The two turned and waved to each other before Eddie shut the door and locked it.

"Mother!" he called out to the living room. "I'm home! And I've got some news."

He got no response, but he wasn't too surprised. He rolled his eyes and started walking toward his mother's recliner, which was seated in front of the fireplace."

"Look, I'm sorry for snapping earlier," Eddie said as he approached the recliner. "I just need to be able to do stuff without you getting worked up about what I'm doing, Mother. I am an adult, after all."

Still, Eddie got no response. Frowning, Eddie walked up to the recliner and stepped around to look at his mother. She had her eyes closing and Eddie simply assumed she was asleep.

"Mother," he said, putting a hand on her arm. Ordinarily, this would have caused Sonia to wake up instantly, demanding to know why Eddie had interrupted her rest. But she didn't respond at all. Eddie simply spoke a little louder, but in a more annoyed tone.

"Mother," he repeated, lifting his hand from her arm, which fell off the arm of the recliner, limp. Eddie hesitated when he saw this. He looked up at his mother's face and saw that her mouth was open slightly, but he couldn't hear any oxygen flowing through her. Eddie looked at Sonia's chest and saw that it wasn't moving.

"Mother!?" Eddie exclaimed as a sudden realization came over him. He picked up Sonia's limp arm and reached for the wrist. He placed two fingers on one side of her wrist, but he felt no pulse.

"Oh my god!" Eddie screamed as he ran from the recliner, hurried to the phone and fumbled to dial 911.


	2. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie returns home following his successful date with Eddie, his heart full of joy at the prospect of Eddie moving in with him in New York. But one phone call could change all of that...

Richie shut the door behind him, hanging up his jacket on the coat rack before he tiptoed through the living room, trying his best not to wake up his parents. He pulled out his phone and used its flashlight to guide him past all of the furniture. He had just reached the bottom of the stairs when his phone rang, startling Richie.

"Jesus Fuck," he muttered as his phone fell to the ground and bounced down the last steps. Richie quickly hurried down the stairs, careful to make sure he wasn't stomping his feet. He picked up the phone and saw Eddie was calling him. Shaking his head, Richie stepped into the kitchen to answer the call.

"Holy shit, Eddie! You couldn't have called about thirty seconds sooner?" he asked, laughing slightly.

"Richie!" Eddie cried on the other line. Richie's face changed instantly. Something was wrong.

"Eds, what is it?" Richie demanded. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Mother. She's on the way to the hospital. She wasn't breathing and there was no pulse when I checked on her!"

Richie ran out of the kitchen, forgetting how tired he was and hurrying to the coat hanger to get his jacket.

"I'm coming," he said. "I'll be right there."

* * *

"Eddie!" Richie called as he hurried into the waiting room, where Eddie was sitting down with his head buried in his hands. Eddie looked up, looking relieved when he saw Richie. Eddie stood up as Richie reached him and fell into his love's embrace, sobbing.

"What happened?" Richie demanded as he helped Eddie sit down.

"I was going to tell her that I'm moving to New York," Eddie replied, his voice shaky. "When I reached her in the recliner, I thought she was asleep, but she wouldn't respond. She wasn't breathing and I couldn't feel a pulse. I called the ambulance and they got there pretty quick and…" At this, Eddie dissolved into more tears.

"It's gonna be all right, Eddie," Richie said soothingly, wrapping one of his arms around Eddie. "I'm, here OK? I won't leave you."

"Thank you."

They sat in silence for about an hour, waiting to hear some news. Eddie lay his head on Richie's shoulder while Richie just sat there, hoping it was all going to work out. After what seemed an eternity, a doctor dressed in white robes came out of the operating area, scanning around the room. When he saw Richie and Eddie, the doctor walked over to them.

"Mr. Kaspbrak?" the doctor asked.

"Yes?" said Eddie, standing up with Richie. "Is she OK?"

The doctor sighed and put a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but she didn't make it, Mr. Kaspbrak," he said in quiet voice.

"No!" Eddie cried as he started to collapse. Richie grabbed him quickly and helped Eddie stay balanced as Eddie erupted into sobs. Richie held him for several moments, patting him on the back. After several seconds, Richie looked up at the doctor.

"What happened?" he asked. "Was she sick?"

"It was a rather sudden incident," said the doctor. "She had a massive coronary. Heart attack," he added, seeing the confused expression on Richie's face. "We think it was a combination of her weight and her heavy use of prescription medication. We ran a tox screen and found high levels of multiple pharmaceuticals in her system. All of them were legal, but taken together, they can be a deadly combination."

Richie nodded as Eddie continued to cry into his shoulder.

"Thank you," he said quietly. The doctor nodded and walked away, the somber expression on his face remaining. Once the doctor was gone, Eddie came up for air, wiping the tears away from his face.

"I didn't hear what he said," he said, his voice still shaky.

"She had a heart attack, Eddie," Richie replied in a kind tone. "It sounds like she didn't suffer much at all."

Eddie nodded as Richie pulled him into another hug. Suddenly, Eddie pulled away.

"Oh! Oh no!" He exclaimed, suddenly looking worried.

"What's wrong?"

"I treated her like absolute shit before we went out tonight! I told her to butt out of my life and to treat me like an adult! How could I do that?"

"You didn't know this was gonna happen," Richie said, putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"No, you don't understand!" Eddie yelped. "I could have talked to her one more time! I could've said that I loved her. And now the last memory of my mother is yelling at her over something stupid!"

"Hey, hey," Richie said before he pulled Eddie into another hug as Eddie dissolved into fresh tears.

* * *

Eddie and Richie walked into Richie's bedroom, trying to keep quiet so Richie's parents wouldn't wake up. Richie knew they wouldn't mind Eddie staying the night, especially after what had happened, but he imagined they wouldn't take too kindly to be woken up at such a late hour.

"God, I've missed this room," Eddie whispered as he set down his duffel bag. "Thank you so much for letting me stay the night, Rich."

"Of course, Eds," Richie said as he opened up his closet door to change.

"I couldn't stand being in that house alone tonight," said Eddie as he took off his shirt and pants and put on his pajamas. "I don't know if I ever want to step in that house again."

"You can stay here as long as you need to Eds," said Richie as he walked out of his closet with his pajamas on.

"But what am I gonna do about leaving?" Eddie asked as he sat down on Richie's bed.

"We'll figure it out together. Everything will work out, Eds, I promise."

Richie unscrambled the blankets, causing Eddie to giggle.

"What?" Richie asked, glancing at him.

"Nothing," Eddie replied. "I'm just surprised to see that your bed is actually made up."

Richie smirked. "Well, don't get used to it, Eddie Spaghetti. I have no plans on keeping in that way."

"Then I'll have to do it for you," Eddie sad as he crawled into the bed and lay down on the right side.

Richie turned off the light before he joined Eddie in bed on the opposite side. He took his glasses off and set them on the end table next to the bed. When he laid down, he turned to Eddie, who stared back into his eyes.

"Are you OK?" Richie asked. "Is there anything you need?"

"Just you," Eddie replied. "Hold me."

Richie obliged and wrapped his arms around Eddie, who snuggled close to him, resting his head on Richie's chest.

"Don't leave me, Rich," Eddie whispered.

"I won't," Richie breathed. "I'll be here all night, Eds. I promise. I love you." Richie then kissed Eddie on the top of his head."

"I love you too, Trashmouth," Eddie said as he closed his eyes.

Richie chuckled and he held Eddie tighter. "Good night, Eds," he said. When he didn't get a response, he gave Eddie another kiss on the forehead before he shut his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Sonia. Although she's a difficult character for anyone to grasp with, it was still tough for me to kill her off, but it as needed for this story. Let me know what you think!


	3. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the death of his mother, Eddie begins to have flashbacks to moments in his life when she tried to keep him from Richie.

" _Eddie, where are you going?" Sonia demanded._

_Eddie looked around. He was 5 years old again and had just become best friends with Richie, who was in his kindergarten class._

" _I'm going to play with my new friend, Richie," Eddie replied in his childish voice._

" _That Tozier boy? You know he's no good, Eddie. Why don't you stay home so you don't get sick?"_

_Eddie sighed. "Fine, Mommy."_

* * *

_Eddie was 8 and wanted to go to a sleepover at Richie's. But he knew his mother would never let it happen._

" _Mommy, can I go to a sleepover at Bill's?"_

" _Why are you lying to me, Eddie? I know you want to go to that Tozier boy's house."_

" _No, Mommy, honestly I don't. I wanna go sleep at Bill's tonight."_

" _So if I call Bill's mother, she won't be surprised when I tell her that you're coming over for a sleepover, will she?"_

_Eddie hesitated. He tried to come up with some sort of excuse for his mother not to call Bill's Mom, but it was too late. Eddie could see the comprehension dawn on his mother's face._

" _So, you liked to me, Eddie. You know what happens to liars. They go to hell."_

" _I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry!"_

* * *

_Now, Eddie was 12 and sneaking back into his bedroom as quietly as he could after hanging out at Richie's house for a few hours. He was impressed that he managed to get inside without making any noise and did a silent victory dance before he changed into his clothes. Once he was inside his pajamas, he opened his door quietly to walk to the bathroom to brush his teeth._

" _Eddie, where have you been?" his mother demanded from her room as he walked past her bedroom._

" _I've been in my room all night, Mom," Eddie replied, trying his best not to sound nervous._

" _You snuck out didn't you, Eddie?"_

" _No, of course not!" said Eddie, starting to feel worried. "Where would you get an idea like that?"_

" _Because I haven't seen you all night, Eddie. You didn't even come down for dinner. You must be starving."_

" _I'm fine, Mom. I'm just not hungry. I didn't feel like doing much today, so I just stayed in my room reading."_

" _Why are you lying, Eddie?"_

" _Why do you always accuse me of lying when you don't hear what you want to hear, Mother?" Eddie retorted._

_Sonia audibly gasped from her bedroom._

" _Eddie! Never talk to your mother like that!"_

" _Why? It's how you talk to me, Mother!"_

" _Why do you hate me so much?"_

_Eddie's face softened as he pushed open his mother's bedroom door._

" _I don't hate you, Mother," he said. "I just wish you would let me do my own thing every once in a while."_

* * *

_Now, Eddie was 17 and arguing with his mother._

" _Why can't I just go out?" Eddie demanded, trying to keep his tone down as he talked to his mother._

" _Because you're just a little boy, Eddie, you shouldn't go out late at night!"_

" _Oh for god's sake, Mother, I'm seventeen bloody years old! I can take care of myself and I don't need you coddling me all of the time."_

" _Don't you dare use the Lord's name in vain, Edward Kaspbrak!" Sonia yelled. Eddie was taken aback. It was the first time he had ever heard his mother get truly angry with him. "You're not going out just because of that!"_

_Eddie recovered quickly._

" _Watch me," he retorted, turning and opening the door. "You can't stop me from going out, Mother, and you're certainly not keeping Richie and me apart. I'm going to see him and spend time with him before he leaves!"_

_With that, Eddie opened the door over Sonia's protests and slammed the door shut when he was outside, drowning out his mother's voice. He breathed a sigh of relief before he walked away, determined to get to Richie's before his mother came out after him._

* * *

_Eddie returned home from his date with Richie. He took a breath before he opened the door, knowing he was about to get an earful. He opened the door and found his mother waiting for him in her recliner in the living room._

" _You don't do that, Eddie," she demanded. "You don't just walk out on me like that."_

" _Well I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you control my life any more, Mother. Just leave me alone."_

" _You will never see that Tozier boy again! I know you have feelings for him. You will burn in hell for that Eddie, as he will!"_

" _Fuck you!" Eddie shouted, not caring that he was talking to his mother. "How fucking dare you speak to me that way! If anyone is going to burn in hell, it's you, you old bat!"_

* * *

Eddie woke with a start. He let out a gasp of air as if he had been holding his breath while he was sleeping. He took several deep breaths as he remembered what had happened just hours before and he realized he was in Richie's bed. Though he had fallen asleep in Richie's arms, the two had separated some time in the night. Eddie reached for his phone and checked the time. It was 6:17 in the morning. He grunted slightly as he threw the blankets off of him, trying his best not to wake Richie up.

He got up from the bed, stretching as he rubbed his eyes awake. Checking to make sure Richie had woken up yet, Eddie tiptoed through the bedroom and opened the door as quietly as he could. Finally, he was outside the bedroom and started to walk toward the kitchen. He turned on the light and walked over to the cupboard and pulled down a glass. He filled it water from the water filter on the tap and sat down to drink it.

A few moments later, Eddie heard footsteps coming to the kitchen. Richie appeared within seconds, looking tired.

"Sorry," Eddie said as Richie sat down next to him. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"It's fine, Eds," Richie replied as he yawned widely. "Are you all right? Having trouble sleeping?" Eddie nodded. "Because of your Mom?"

"I kept having dreams about her last night. They were all from when I was a kid and she kept trying to prevent me from seeing you. I didn't do anything when I was little, but once I was in my teens, I finally started standing up to her. I had almost forgotten I had told her to fuck off when she said we'd both go to hell because we're attracted to each other."

"You did? Nice one, Eds."

"No, it's not nice!" Eddie retorted, sounding upset. "I shouldn't have treated her so horribly. Yeah, she was a pain in my ass and she was stifling me, but I could've talked to her like a human being, Rich! I should have talked to her like a human. It's all my fault!"

"Hey, hey," Richie said, scooting his chair closer to Eddie so he could wrap his arms around him. "None of this is your fault, Eddie, I promise. You're a fully grown adult and your mother knew that. You had no obligations to her and you had every reason to wanna come see me last night and for this life change you're about to make."

"I still could've been a better son!" Eddie protested.

"Hey, considering all that she put you through, it's a wonder that you weren't more horrible to her."

Eddie laughed as he started to cry.

"It's true, Eds," said Richie, holding Eddie softly and giving him a kiss on the head. "If either of my parents had ever tried to treat me like that, I'd have told them to fuck off a long time ago and probably would've run away from home. The fact that you still kept coming back shows that you're a good son. Despite how she treated you, you still came back to be with her so she wouldn't be alone. You're a good person, Eddie Spaghetti. Never forget that."

Eddie nodded as he wiped the final tears away from his face.

"What would I do without you, Richie?" he asked.

"Probably go crazier than you already are," Richie replied, causing Eddie to laugh again.

"Oh, fuck off."

"Really, Eds? You want me to fuck off?"

"Hell no," said Eddie, pulling Richie in for a kiss. They kissed for several moments, holding onto each other and trying their best not to tip over their chairs. "I want you to stay with me forever."

"Consider it done, Eddie, my love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie, this chapter was tough to write. I felt deep sympathy to Eddie throughout it and just wanted to give him the biggest hug. Alas, there is more to come with this story and I'll be updating soon!


	4. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's made up his mind. He doesn't want to get hurt again, but that could mean hurting Richie in the process, even if he doesn't mean to.

Eddie glanced at the clock on Richie’s nightstand. It was 11:48, nearly midnight. Eddie was exhausted, but he couldn’t let his tiredness stop him. He hurried out of Richie’s room as quickly and quietly as his legs would let him, grabbing his bag and carrying it with him, hoping that Richie wouldn’t wake up.

 

He had made up his mind about two hours earlier, when Richie had gotten into bed and was reading before he fell asleep just after 10. As soon as Richie was out, Eddie started to pack his bag, praying that Richie wouldn’t wake up and ask him what he was doing. If Eddie was honest with himself, he couldn’t even truly answer this question, but for some reason, leaving felt like his only choice.

 

Eddie was crossing the living room when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs behind him. He tried to quicken his pace and get out the front door before anyone saw him, but it was too late. Richie appeared at the bottom of the staircase, his robe wrapped around his body. Richie looked tired, but alert.

 

“Eddie?” he asked as he rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on? Where are you going?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Richie,” Eddie replied stubbornly. “You go on back to sleep. I’m sorry for waking you.”

 

“’Don’t worry about it?’” said Richie incredulously as he took several steps forward before stopping mere inches from Eddie. “How can I not worry about it? You look like you’re leaving?”

 

“I am,” said Eddie quietly.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“I — I can’t tell you,” Eddie said, trying to look away, as if that would make this conversation any less painful.

 

“What can’t you tell me, Eds? What is it?”

 

“Richie, please don’t make me say it.”

 

“Say what, Eddie? Please, you’re scaring me. Just tell me what’s going on and I’ll try to help!”

 

Eddie sighed deeply before he responded, knowing there was no way he could lie to Richie.

 

“Oh god, please don’t hate me for this, Richie.”

 

“I could never hate you, Eddie!” Richie exclaimed, throwing his arms around Eddie, who flinched slightly. Richie frowned at him. “What is going on? Please, you can tell me and I won’t get mad, I promise.”

Eddie sighed once again.

 

“I don’t think we can be together.”

 

Richie froze, staring at Eddie with wide eyes. He dropped his arms to his side slowly as he stared at Eddie.

 

“What?” Richie said in a small voice.

 

“It’s not that I don’t care about you, Richie, I do…”

 

“Then what is it, Eddie? Why did you say we can’t be together if you care about me.”

 

“It’s not that _I_ don’t what to be with you, Rich. It’s that the universe doesn’t want us to be together.”

 

Richie was taken aback by this. He had expected some sort of answer about Eddie just being nervous, but this was something else entirely.

 

“What do you mean, Eds? Why wouldn’t the universe want us to be together?”

 

“Just think about it, Rich: the second I said yes to running away to New York with you and starting a new life, God took away my mother,” said Eddie, sounding sadder than ever. “If that’s not a sign of why we shouldn’t be together, then I don’t know what is.”

 

“Oh, Eds,” Richie said, putting his hands on Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie didn’t flinch this time. “I know you feel scared after she died, but that’s normal. That doesn’t mean we can’t be together.”

 

“But what if the universe, or God, or fate, or whatever, doesn’t want us to be together?” Eddie protested. “Maybe this was fate’s way of saying I have to stay here. Maybe I’m being punished for even thinking about running away!”

 

Richie took several deep breaths before responding. As he spoke, he looked directly into Eddie’s eyes, as if he were trying to look directly into Eddie’s soul.

 

“Let me ask you something,” Richie said in the most serious voice Eddie had ever heard him speak in. “And be honest with me, please.”

 

Eddie nodded.

 

“When you told me that you loved me last night and after we had our date the other night, did you mean it?”

 

“Of course I meant it,” Eddie said quickly. “I love you, Richie. I love you with all of my heart.”

 

Richie put a hand to Eddie’s lip, causing Eddie to stop talking.

 

“Then that’s it,” he said firmly. “You’re staying and we’re going to New York.”

 

“But…” Eddie started but Richie cut him off.

 

“No ‘buts,’ Eddie. We’re going to New York and we’re going to have a great life together. You just told me you love me, and I know that you know the feeling is mutual, Eds. I’ve loved you since we were 13. I’ve never loved anyone else, and I know that we are meant to be together. So, we’re going to be together and you get to love me, and I get to love you, and nothing, not God, the universe, fate or even your mother will stop us.”

 

Eddie simply stared back at Richie. Actually hearing him declare all of this didn’t seem real to him. It was as if someone had taken over Richie and turned him into another person, but Eddie could hear the truth in his words, even as his doubts clouded his mind.

 

“But what if the universe, or any of those other things don’t want us to be together?” Eddie asked.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Richie whispered as he pulled Eddie closer to him and kissed him. Eddie fell into the kiss, his hands gripping Richie’s face and dropping the bag he had been carrying, which fell to the ground with a thud. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist as they kissed, causing Eddie to moan slightly. Richie’s tongue found its way to Eddie’s and the two tasted each other for the first time in years. It was something neither of them had forgotten and both of them hungered for more. But before they could explore more of each other, Richie broke apart the kiss, but kept a hold of Eddie.

 

“Wow,” Eddie breathed. “That was incredible.”

 

“I know,” Richie said with a grin. “That was the best thing I’ve ever done, aside from loving you, Eds. And you know what I say: fuck the universe. I don’t care if the universe doesn’t want us to be together. _I_ want us to be together, Eds. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my entire life, and I intend to get it. I love you so, so much, Eddie Kaspbrak.”

 

“I love you, too, Richie Tozier,” Eddie whispered back. “But I’m still scared.”

 

“I know, love, I am too,” said Richie as quietly as he could. “But we’ll figure it out together, just like we always have. It’s us and the rest of the Losers against the world, right Eds?”

 

“Right,” said Eddie with a grin.

 

“Then let’s get upstairs and get back to bed,” Richie said. “We’ll have plenty of time for late-night conversations about nothing when we go back to New York together. I’m fucking exhausted, Eds, and my bed is freezing without you in it.”

 

Eddie chuckled and picked up his bag before following Richie back upstairs. They took care to be as quiet as possible, so Richie’s parents wouldn’t wake up. Within moments, the boys were back in Richie’s room and Eddie lay his bag on the floor as Richie took off his robe and set it on the chair next to his desk before he crawled into bed. Eddie, though as tired as he was, hurriedly changed into his pajama bottoms before he joined Richie in bed.

 

“Come here,” Richie instructed and Eddie obeyed, shifting closer to Richie, who wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. Eddie nuzzled his face into Richie’s chest and wrapped his arms around Richie. For the first time since his mother’s death, Eddie now felt safe. He felt like he was _home._ He breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“I’m sorry for trying to leave,” Eddie whispered. “I didn’t mean to scare you or anything.”

 

“You don’t have to say sorry,” Richie breathed back. “I’m just glad I was able to stop you before you left. I don’t think I could’ve gone back to New York without you.

 

Eddie chuckled.

 

“Yeah, it would’ve sucked if you weren’t here with me,” Eddie admitted, glad for the chance to honest. “I don’t know why I tried to leave, Richie. I’m sorry.”

 

“Shhh, it’s okay, Eds.” Richie gave Eddie a kiss on the forehead. “You’re here now and we’re going to New York together, that’s the most important thing. And you’re going to be _happy_ , Eddie. That’s all I want for you.”

 

“That’s all I want too,” Eddie said.

 

“That and I want for you to love me,” Richie added sheepishly.

 

Eddie giggled and smacked Richie on the arm, no easy task since his arms were wrapped around Richie.

 

“Way to ruin a good moment,” Eddie said, but he was laughing quietly.

 

“But for real, Eds. All I want is your love.”

 

“You have it, Richie, I promise.”

 

“And you have mine, Eds. Always.”

 

Eddie looked up at Richie, smiling. Richie smiled back and leaned forward at the same time as Eddie. They kissed each other for several seconds before they broke apart naturally as both of them drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Eddie, you poor boy. Just because your Mother died while you made plans to start a new life with Richie doesn't mean the universe doesn't want you to be together. Don't you know that you and Richie are meant to be together?
> 
> Well, thank goodness Richie woke up, am I right? I've got at least one more chapter planned for this story, but I'll leave it open to additional chapters in case I get an idea for more. The next chapter is coming soon!


	5. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Eddie to bid farewell to his mother at her funeral. What does he have to say to the woman who raised him, but kept him apart from Richie as much as she could?

Eddie and Richie stood together in the viewing area where Sonia's casket was standing. It was in a room off to the side from the front room of the church where the funeral was being held. Most of Eddie's family had already passed through to pay their respects and had greeted Eddie, which exhausted him. Eddie and Richie were holding hands, looking at the casket in silence. Finally, Eddie spoke up.

"Um...can you give a me a minute alone, please?" Eddie asked in a low voice.

"Of course," said Richie, letting go of Eddie's hand and giving Eddie a kiss on the cheek. "Take as long as you need, Eds. I'll make sure nobody else comes in."

"Thanks, Rich."

Richie nodded and walked through the door and shut it. Eddie turned back to look at his mother's body. He hated to admit it, but his mother was never much of a looker in life, but the funeral home had taken great care to make her look as well as possible for her burial. Eddie shook his head out of this thinking and instead focused on what he knew he had to say to her.

"Hi," he said quietly, putting a hand over his mother's chest. It was slightly worrying to Eddie, but he knew that nothing was going to happen to him for touching a body. He lowered his hand and grasped one of Sonia's briefly before he withdrew his hand.

"I needed to be alone with you so I could tell you what is happening to me now, Mother. I was going to tell you the night..." at this, Eddie's voice broke slightly. He took a brief pause, swallowed and continued on. "The night that you died, but obviously I couldn't do it. Now, I'm telling you what's happening.

"I'm moving to New York, Mother. And yes, it is to be with Richie. But more than that, it's for me to be happy. If there's anything I knew you wanted for me with the way you raised me, you would want me to be happy. And moving to New York with Richie will make me happy. Because I love him, Mother. I know you don't like that, but I love Richie. I love him so much. More than you ever loved me, anyway."

Tears started falling down Eddie's face at this point. He took a moment to let them fall before he took a deep breath and continued talking.

"This is for the best, Mother. I'll be happy in my life and I won't have to live in fear of what you think about it, so it's probably for the best that you are no longer here. God, it sounds so horrible saying that, but it's true, Mother. You never understood how I felt about Richie and always tried to keep us apart. Going to live with him in New York almost feels as if I'm rebelling against you, but it's not that. I'm going with him because I  _want_  to.

"I also want to apologize for being so nasty to you, Mother. Though in some cases I feel like you deserved it, it was not right of me to treat you that way and I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings or made you feel bad."

Eddie took several breaths before he finished his speech.

"And I want you to know that I forgive you, Mother. For everything. I know you may not believe it and you certainly don't deserve it in some instances, but I forgive you. I have to forgive you because it will help me move on with my life. If I don't forgive you for what happened between us, I would spend my life wondering 'what if?' so that's why I forgive you for everything. I hope you're at peace now, Mother. I love you."

Eddie turned on his heels and walked to the door, opening it. Richie turned around as soon as Eddie was through the door and pulled him into a hug. No words were needed. Eddie had told Richie that morning everything that he was going to say while he was alone with his mother's casket.

"You okay?" Richie asked as he held Eddie.

"Yeah," Eddie replied quietly. "I feel much better now."

"I'm glad, Eds," Richie said as he broke apart the hug and smiled at Eddie. He took Eddie's hand in his own again and the two walked into the nave, where the rest of the funeral attendants had arrived.

* * *

 

A week later, Eddie was packing up his old bedroom. He had hired an attorney to handle the selling of his old home and had secured a decent sell with it. He didn't want the burden of having to sell his old home once he was in New York and luckily for him, he wouldn't have to now.

Just as he packed the last of his possessions, Eddie sighed and looked around the room. Memories flooded through his mind like a tidal wave. He was remembering things he hadn't thought of in years, including the day his father passed and when he yelled at his mother when he learned all of the pills she had been forcing down his throat were placebos.

" _They're gazebos; they're bullshit_!" he had yelled.

Eddie grinned at the memory as Richie walked into the room.

"You about done, Eds?"

"Yeah, I just finished," Eddie replied, looking up at Richie, the smile still on his face.

"What's that smile for?"

"Nothing, just having some flashbacks," Eddie said. "Like the time I called my old pills gazebos when I meant placebos."

Richie chuckled appreciatively.

"I never let you hear the end of that, did I?"

"No you didn't, asshole!" Eddie exclaimed, lightly punching Richie on the arm. "I think you brought it up at least once a week for three years."

"What can I say, Eds? I couldn't help myself."

"And to think I want to come and live with you."

Richie's expression seemed to drop.

"You still do, don't you?" he asked in a worried voice.

"Of course I do, Richie! I was just kidding."

Richie smiled widely.

"Good, cause I don't think I'd go back if you weren't coming with me."

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie and pulled him into a hug.

"We're going to be together, Richie. I can't believe it. I'm going to live with the man I fell in love with all those years ago."

"Oh, Eddie, you slay my heart with your words," Richie said as he mocked fainting. "Say no more, lest I die!"

"Fuck off!"

"But, Eds, why would I fuck off when you're leaving with me?"

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool," Eddie snapped, but he was smiling.

"Yes, sir," Richie said.

Eddie rolled his eyes as he placed his hands around Richie's face and pulled him in. They kissed one another deeply, as if they were trying to transfer their love for each other in one another. Their hands explored their bodies, causing moans to come from both of them. After what seemed a brief eternity, they broke apart, but their arms were still wrapped around each other.

"I can't believe that's the last time we're going to do that in your room, Eds," Richie whispered.

"I know," Eddie replied, nodding. "It's insane that this is the last time I'm ever going to be in this house."

"Are you ready?" Richie asked.

"I am."

"Follow me," Richie said, holding out his hand. Eddie took it and followed Richie out of his rooms and down the stairs. Richie stopped to let Eddie look around the living room again; it looked odd to Eddie without the furniture in there, but the attorney he hired had helped him sell everything in an estate sale. Eddie took one last look around his living room before he nodded at Richie, who led him through the front door and out of the house.

"What do you say, Eds: one more kiss out on your front porch for old time's sake?" Richie asked when Eddie had closed and locked the door.

"Sure," Eddie said, pulling Richie into a kiss again. This one didn't last as long, but it felt special since it was their last kiss together on this front porch, where they had kissed goodbye after their first secret date together when they were 15.

"I love you, Eds," Richie whispered when they broke apart.

"I love you too, Rich."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is too good and pure for this world. Sonia certainly doesn't deserve Eddie's forgiveness or compassion, but he gave it to her anyway, feeling as if he couldn't move on with his life.
> 
> So what'd you think? Like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: @wackywriterwhowriteswhenever 
> 
> Soon I'll be taking requests for both Reddie and Byler fanfics. I just have to get through April and Camp NaNoWriMo to finish the projects I'm working on before I start on that, but stay tuned if you have any ideas for one shots for those two ships!


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